Sitting here with my kids getting their father’s day gift finished up & wrapped, I contemplate all the years I had with my daddy. He died in 2008, this will be my 4th father’s day without him. I miss him very much, and hope that I can make him proud of the wife, mother & woman I’ve become.
My daddy was a simple man, didn’t like a lot of “frill” as he put it. He had the same white coffee mug since I was a little girl, he collected baseball cards, he loved watching sports.. I remember going to a Detroit Tigers game at Tiger Field in Detroit (before they tore it down & built CoMerica park), I don’t remember much about the game or the Field but I remember eating a hot dog looking up at my daddy! I think I was about 8 years old & I didn’t care much about baseball, I was just happy to be with him! My dad, like his dad, loved to go fishing. He sold fishing equipment for a living for a while, I got to go with him sometimes to do his “shows.” They were like a tupperware or pampered chef party, he would display them & then tell the benefits of each item. When I got to go, I got to be his Vanna White.
My dad was also a truck driver for a long time, so there were long period of times that I didn’t see him at all, but when I did see him I remember snuggling on his lap & listening to his stories from the road. I have a few things of my daddys that remind me when memories start to fade of his love for me.
My dad wasn’t always the best dad in the world. He was a recovering alcholic, that became really abusive when drinking or when he really wanted a drink. He had his own demons that haunted him, like mine haunt me. He had a really hard time expressing his feeling toward me or my siblings. He complained about my grades, about my friends, about the boys I dated and about my mother.
In the end lung cancer took my dad, the last few months of his life, my dad’s personality changed. Everytime I saw him he would tell me he loved me, he hugged on my kids & told them that he loved them and he was sweeter towards me. Like I said things weren’t always great & wonderful, but now that daddy is in Heaven… I choose to remember only good things about him.
Here’s a poem I wrote just after his death in 2008.
A Poem for my Daddy
More than a father,
more than a friend,
our love has no limit,
our friendship no end.
Although I cannot see you,
I known I’m not alone….
‘Cause my daddy’s always with me,
Even though we are apart,
I know because you told me,
you’ll forever be in my heart.
Sometimes when I close my eyes,
I see you sitting there in your chair
and I climb on your lap and lay my head on your shoulder…
and I am a child again.